What a dull month...

I can't figure out where the sun has gone!

This time last year I had a fantastic suntan, sitting out on the balcony sunbathing while I read 8 of the 9 books by Henning Mankel. The Wallander books as featured on BBC4. I could hardly walk so getting a suntan seemed the best thing to do at the time and I thoroughly enjoyed myself doing it. It was only later on in the year it was discovered I had rheumatoid arthritis.

Last Spring was glorious.This year it's ... alright. But I do have a set of books waiting by the balcony. The Stieg Larsson triology, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. Can't wait. Better still, I was lent them by a friend I thought I had lost. We had a big falling out, actually caused by misunderstandings created by my failing health. So I'm really glad to be lent these books as a sign we are back in the pink again. That lunch we had was really good. No animosity, we just listened to each other and were both equally glad to put it behind us. Ah friends, what would we do without them.

So while I've been waiting for the heat of Summer, I have been dealing with the admin of my life. The biggest headache really is debt management. I sorted out a lot 4 years ago when I started a debt management plan but this month after re-assessments of my disability benefits, I can now afford to apply for an IVA which will see me debt free in 5 years instead of 17. I feel really pleased with myself for managing as well as I have. Of course it would be better if I hadn't got into this mess in the first place, but I did. Now I'm responsibly sorting it out without becoming a bankrupt. Everyone's happy. So I'm waiting for the paperwork to arrive and then I can start counting the months. 60. At my age they will fly by. The even better news is that getting a car with my disability benefits looks even closer. Once the IVA is up and running my DLA will be reassessed and if all goes as predicted by benefit advisers, I'll have a new car by the autumn.

But meanwhile, I want hot sun, and lots of it!

Like A Phoenix Rising From The Ashes

Oh boy have  had a time of it since I was last here.

My health let me down again, Big Time. The difference is that now I'm getting far better medical support than at any time since I moved here in 1986! It seems that the reason my health has been deteriorating has been due to a faulty gene, resulting in the chronic kidney disease and associated rheumatoid arthritis I manage daily.

I'm now taking these odd DMARD tablets and they seem to be doing the job well. (The steroid injection I was initially put on sent me totally bonkers.) But now, I have a sense an calm, something that I had been totally denied for years. Unfortunately it feels very strange and alien, and sometimes it's scary. I can get sort of all "Oh if get ill again, it'll be a total collapse" panic sort of thing. I'm just hoping as the Spring grows, so will a deep sense of well being.

My energy is still totally unpredictable. Up down, on off. I don't have a base line, everything is so unstable it's difficult to plan a way forward. Is everything  a possibility? How am I going to live the rest of my life? What am I going to do? What can I do? If I don't know, how do I find out? Questions, questions, questions.

I now own the DVDs The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. Priceless. I'm reading her follow-up book now. The Power and I'm putting it all to work, so if this blog seems to be unfashionably upbeat and positive, thank Rhonda, she's been my inspiration. I also have the DVD the Tapping Solution, seemed a good way to donate to the Japanese disaster, but I haven't seen it yet. I've also come across a brilliant British business woman who's advice is making a future working life a possibility for me.  Now this really is something I thought due to my age and health was in my past. But you never know..... So if I branch out from painting and creating things into business management, here's a big thank you in advance to Nicola Cairncross.

So in the meantime, while I'm still rehabilitating I'll keep you informed of my creative travails and adventures that don't focus on hospital outpatient appointments and Dr.'s appointments, which has been my life since October. In case you're wondering, I'm still tapping (I find the best place is in the shower) and I'm still writing my gratitude journal. One brilliant lesson I had regarding blogging, was that I've watched all five seasons of HBO's Big Love, totally original and brilliant, highly recommended. But on the HBO site, one of the characters Margene, kept a blog going during the 5 years of filming. So now I've a better idea of what to do. I wonder how may other people start a blog but don't read any? I suppose one of the benefits of living alone is that you don't see how odd (or normal) you are, and live, although with less affirmation which is a loss, you also suffer less criticism. And that's a big plus.

So what can I do now, that I couldn't do last year?
1. I can walk upright by myself.
2. I can walk up and down the stairs to my flat unaided, even carrying my shopping and pull a trolley up. (Last year, when I could manage to, for 5 months to leave my flat I was on my hands an knees to manage the stairs!)
3. I can stand long enough to paint at a canvas.
4. I can walk to the pub! Live Music! Yeah!
5. I can stand long enough to enjoy baking again.
6. I can sleep well enough to dream.

You know, this is a good enough place to start. I'm really grateful and thankful for making the advances I have. I'm in a good place to start looking forward. What was that song a few years ago, "Don't worry. Be Happy!"

See Ya!

February 2011, A Month Like No Other

I just thought I had better write about February this year as it was a month like no other in my life and turned into a catalyst for change as I had never experienced before.

On January 6th I saw my new consultant rheumatologist. He gave me a long acting steroid injection, 40 mins later it was like a miracle cure. My ankles and knees started springing as I walked around some local shops near the hospital. I was waking better than I had for over 10 years. Sorted, I thought. (I'm still reaping the benefit of that injection.)

The following day the nightmare started. I had a severe reaction to the drug. Over the next 6 weeks, I sweated as if in a sauna day and night, became manic, had fits, couldn't sleep at all (2x2 hour naps in 10 days), passing out, in short going blinking bonkers. And there was noting that could be done to stop the reaction to the drug. I just had to sweat it out.

So here I was, at home unable to concentrate on anything and not doing anything useful and I got an email from Stephen Russell the 'Barefoot Doctor' inviting me to listen to 8 free webinars called  "Wealth Solutions to help you make 2011 a year of wealth and ease rather than poverty and hardship." (A webinar is like a PowerPoint presentation on an internet site with an audio of an interview of between Stephen Russell and his guest) For some unknown reason I thought I'd give it a try. Under normal circumstances, I'd have dismissed this as being a bit to esoteric and 'wacky'.

Unfortunately I had to miss the first 2 on 1st February, which included an evening session with Nicola Cairncross, a woman who's advice I've subsequently, seriously taken to heart. I was also really impressed with his interviews with Judith Morgan and Rachel Elnaugh from TV's Dragon's Den. All of these people talked about finances in a way I had never heard before. The Laws of Attraction, thoughts become things, the power of belief, the power of gratitude. I started reading The Secret by Rhonda Byrne and was totally blown away. But, I also felt strongly that this was only part of the picture but didn't know where else to look. 

Then a friend who I hadn't seen for 40 years contacted me on Friends Reunited in December. She told me she had the book The Secret, but hadn't read it. This really seemed to be more than a coincidence. No one else I knew was into anything like this at all. Then she sent me a link to The Tapping World Summit? Eh! Didn't have a clue. What was 'Tapping'? When I saw Bruce Lipton's explanation 'A Breakthrough Discovery That Combines Ancient Chinese Accupressure and Modern Psychology.'  I was hooked.

Between 21st and 29th February I listened to 18 further webinars, I learned to 'Tap' and tapped along with the practitioners. And as I gradually returned to sanity as my steroid injection wore off, and the new DMARD drugs started working, I significantly changed the direction of my life. It's really hard to say what's changed. I'm certainly more content. Infact, even though I'm often in discomfort with my joints, I can honestly say I'm contented, less frustrated, have a considerably more positive and optimistic outlook on life. These are changes that were not on the horizon at all before the steroid injection. Of course I'm more organized and getting more things done than I was through Jan and Feb, but then most of the time, I was bonkers and seriously physically impaired.

But if anyone ever reads this, thinks their life is going nowhere, that they have passed any opportunities to turn things around, are stuck in a cul-de-sac and going nowhere, I would seriously recommend
1. Watch the Bruce Lipton interview about Tapping
2. Read book or watch the film The Secret by Rhonda Byrne,
3. Start writing a Gratitude Journal (I can remember Oprah saying that was the single most powerful thing she did to turn her life around about 15 years ago but didn't know what she was talking about.)
4. Read The Power by Rhonda Byrne
5. Start Tapping. When I find a really good introduction to Tapping (other than an annual summit) I'll include it here.

Thanks for reading.

See you again.