Oh boy have had a time of it since I was last here.
My health let me down again, Big Time. The difference is that now I'm getting far better medical support than at any time since I moved here in 1986! It seems that the reason my health has been deteriorating has been due to a faulty gene, resulting in the chronic kidney disease and associated rheumatoid arthritis I manage daily.
I'm now taking these odd DMARD tablets and they seem to be doing the job well. (The steroid injection I was initially put on sent me totally bonkers.) But now, I have a sense an calm, something that I had been totally denied for years. Unfortunately it feels very strange and alien, and sometimes it's scary. I can get sort of all "Oh if get ill again, it'll be a total collapse" panic sort of thing. I'm just hoping as the Spring grows, so will a deep sense of well being.
My energy is still totally unpredictable. Up down, on off. I don't have a base line, everything is so unstable it's difficult to plan a way forward. Is everything a possibility? How am I going to live the rest of my life? What am I going to do? What can I do? If I don't know, how do I find out? Questions, questions, questions.
I now own the DVDs The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. Priceless. I'm reading her follow-up book now. The Power and I'm putting it all to work, so if this blog seems to be unfashionably upbeat and positive, thank Rhonda, she's been my inspiration. I also have the DVD the Tapping Solution, seemed a good way to donate to the Japanese disaster, but I haven't seen it yet. I've also come across a brilliant British business woman who's advice is making a future working life a possibility for me. Now this really is something I thought due to my age and health was in my past. But you never know..... So if I branch out from painting and creating things into business management, here's a big thank you in advance to Nicola Cairncross.
So in the meantime, while I'm still rehabilitating I'll keep you informed of my creative travails and adventures that don't focus on hospital outpatient appointments and Dr.'s appointments, which has been my life since October. In case you're wondering, I'm still tapping (I find the best place is in the shower) and I'm still writing my gratitude journal. One brilliant lesson I had regarding blogging, was that I've watched all five seasons of HBO's Big Love, totally original and brilliant, highly recommended. But on the HBO site, one of the characters Margene, kept a blog going during the 5 years of filming. So now I've a better idea of what to do. I wonder how may other people start a blog but don't read any? I suppose one of the benefits of living alone is that you don't see how odd (or normal) you are, and live, although with less affirmation which is a loss, you also suffer less criticism. And that's a big plus.
So what can I do now, that I couldn't do last year?
1. I can walk upright by myself.
2. I can walk up and down the stairs to my flat unaided, even carrying my shopping and pull a trolley up. (Last year, when I could manage to, for 5 months to leave my flat I was on my hands an knees to manage the stairs!)
3. I can stand long enough to paint at a canvas.
4. I can walk to the pub! Live Music! Yeah!
5. I can stand long enough to enjoy baking again.
6. I can sleep well enough to dream.
You know, this is a good enough place to start. I'm really grateful and thankful for making the advances I have. I'm in a good place to start looking forward. What was that song a few years ago, "Don't worry. Be Happy!"